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Sound Bites

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”A few weeks ago, Colin Powell laid out the Bush administration’s case for war to the world. This weekend, the world gave its answer. That answer was, ‘Are you f — -ing kidding me?”’ JON STEWART on The Daily Show

”The ‘mind-blowing’ conclusion of Joe Millionaire that Fox promised turned out to be a monetary prize. This was not nearly as exciting as the rumored surprise twist: that Evan Marriott is really a shaved ape.” TINA FEY on SNL

”American troops are headed to the Philippines to disrupt a Muslim rebel group and get them back to what they should be doing — making Nikes for Americans.” BILL MAHER on HBO’s Real Time

”There’s a rumor that the Spice Girls are thinking of getting back together. As a result, the orange alert has been raised to red.” CONAN O’BRIEN on Late Night