EW predicts reality TV: the next generation
We didn’t think it was possible for ABC to stretch the limits of reality TV any further, until we heard Greg rap to Trista on ”The Bachelorette.” Clearly, in this genre anything goes — which is why we feel comfortable predicting the next crop of unscripted shows on ABC.
CURRENT REALITY: ”The Will” Friends and family of a (still-living) wealthy benefactor compete in a series of challenges. Winner scores the inheritance.
NEXT GENERATION: ”The Coma” Friends and family of a comatose individual compete in a series of challenges. Loser has to pull the plug.
CURRENT REALITY: ”Are You Hot?” A panel of ”celebrity” judges evaluates dozens of men and women to determine who is the most attractive.
NEXT GENERATION: ”Are You Hurt?” A panel of ”celebrity” judges evaluates dozens of men and women as they move furniture and lift heavy boxes with their backs, not with their legs, to determine who pulled the most muscles.
CURRENT REALITY: ”All American Girl” Young women across the nation compete to earn the ”wholesome as apple pie” title.
NEXT GENERATION: ”All American Goy” Young waitresses from Applebee’s across the Midwest compete to prove that they are the shiksa with the right mix-a.
CURRENT REALITY: ”I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!” Near-famous folk are abandoned in a remote rain forest.
NEXT GENERATION: ”I’m a Celibate…Get Me Out of Here!” Recent seminary grads are abandoned on Temptation Island.
CURRENT REALITY: ”Celebrity Mole” B-listers perform complicated tasks for cash. But is it Kathy Griffin or Erik von Detten who keeps sabotaging their efforts?
NEXT GENERATION: ”Celebrity Mule” B-listers attempt to cross the U.S.-Mexican border with bags of heroin in their tummies. But is it Coolio or Mary Lou Retton who keeps tipping off the DEA?
CURRENT REALITY: ”Extreme Makeover” Beautifically challenged people submit to a surgeon’s knife to enjoy better lives.
NEXT GENERATION: ”Extreme Makeover II” Ratings-challenged ABC rips off Fox’s entire lineup to enjoy higher ratings.