1 BRITNEY SPEARS She’s bailed out of her Manhattan hash house, Nyla. Avoiding it was taking up, like, way too much of her time.
2 NICOLAS CAGE & LISA MARIE PRESLEY It’s been more than two weeks. Has either one of them remarried yet?
3 EMINEM’S HOUSE The bidding is up to $11 million for Slim Shady’s $90,000 boyhood shack. The surprise is that Warren Buffett and Bill Gates both want it.
4 COURTENEY COX She tells InStyle that dropping Arquette from her name doesn’t mean anything. He’s thinking of dropping it too.
5 NOBEL PEACE PRIZE CEREMONY Would it kill them to give a few to movie stars and athletes? Then they could get some TV coverage.
6 ANALYZE THAT Mobster Robert De Niro must find a real job when he gets out of prison. But what’s he qualified to be other than an Enron executive?
7 ROSIE The ex-talk-show host and her partner have a new baby girl. The shower will be at Home Depot.
8 CLEAVAGE A pseudo-anthropological show about human breasts on A&E. Or as they’d like to be known, T&A&E.
9 ADAPTATION A screenwriter hired to adapt a book winds up writing himself into the film. Hasn’t that been done to death?
10 JAMES CAMERON The Titanic director explores the sunken WWII German battleship Bismarck. Did his rubber ducky sink in the bathtub when he was a kid or something?
11 ”THE CHANUKAH SONG PART 3” The Adam Sandler novelty hit is becoming a holiday classic. It’s putting pressure on the dogs barking ”Jingle Bells” to come up with something new.
12 BILLBOARD MUSIC AWARDS What is it with musicians and awards? It’s like they win a prize if they wake up before noon one day.
13 LIAM GALLAGHER The Oasis singer got some teeth knocked out in a Munich bar brawl. But it happened too late to get him nominated for an award this year.
14 WHITE TRUFFLES Due to a worldwide market glut, they’ve dropped to less than $1,000 a pound this season. Great news for people who like them on their SpaghettiOs and Spam.
15 TAKEN The Sci Fi Channel is airing the Spielberg alien-abduction tale on 10 consecutive weeknights. How did they know sci-fi fans wouldn’t have other plans?
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