Half-naked dancing and more tales from the work world
Every season a ”Real World” septet lands a dream job and does it half-assedly, usually preferring to have petty screaming matches in the hall to actually doing their work. And when I saw how much the Las Vegas group liked to party, I wept at the prospect of some poor employer welcoming them into his or her workplace. You don’t need to see that much of Brynn and Steven to know they’re not destined to be Employees of the Month.
Fortunately, however, the producers found a job the cast couldn’t possibly screw up: party organizers at the Palms Hotel. Well, they could screw it up, but the beauty is, the Vegas partiers they would be entertaining would be just as drunk and superficial as the housemates, so no one would really notice. It’s like being an Arts and Crafts teacher for a lobotomy ward: If you screw something up, who’s gonna notice?
Their boss is Marc, who looks just like you’d expect a Vegas party planner to look like. He’s got gelled hair, tinted glasses, a cheesy necklace, and he talks way too much about what an awesome responsibility his job is, which is about as convincing as hearing a supermodel talk about how hard it is to walk down a runway. (Which, I might add, is just what the roomies later professed when they had to do a fashion show.)
Initially, Marc asked them all to describe their strengths and curriculum vitae in a scene that was like no job interview I’ve ever had. You know how job-search manuals always advise you to write a line of ”Additional Interests” at the bottom of your resume, where you include such fun hobbies as hiking, swimming, or stamp collecting? And you know how most employers don’t give a crap if you like to hike, swim, or collect stamps, they just want to know if you can do the job?
Well, Marc is apparently the one employer who all those job-manual writers were studying, because he seemed fascinated to hear that the group had such interests as surfing, being a “dance machine,” and contortionism. Yeah, keep your Quark and Photoshop skills to yourself, Marc wants to confirm your jiggy-getting ability.
Brynn actually felt like an underachiever because everyone else had so much to offer, in that they were doing handstands and cartwheels. (Oh that cursed glass ceiling! I know I’d be editor-in-chief of Entertainment Weekly… if only I could master that damn somersault!) But Brynn has an odd perspective of the work force. She said she doesn’t like responsibilities, and tends to just call in sick when she feels like it. Plus, she was disappointed that her job does not entail dancing all the time. If you gave Brynn a copy of ”What Color is My Parachute?” she’d probably use it to spank a stripper.
Things started poorly for Brynn: She had to be at orientation at 8 a.m. to alternate hung-over vomiting bouts with listening to overly peppy corporate cheerleader Anne play get-to-know-you-games. However, all this hard work paid off: Brynn’s first official task WAS to to gyrate around half-naked at the fashion show. Wow, turns out work is fun! What the heck was Dolly Parton complaining about in “9 to 5”?
The rest of the show was dedicated to Arissa’s horniness and the ramifications thereof. She missed Dario, her boyfriend of five years, who clearly is a big romantic, considering that she pined, “I want my ass smacked, my hair pulled.” She began flirting with Steven, which showed just how horny she was: If you’ve fixated a crush on the guy you just saw in a hot tub mauling two of your female roomies, your libido has definitely got your common sense in a hammerlock.
However, her flirtation got out of hand when Arissa mentioned it to Frank, who then thought they had sex, which made Arissa irate, and in her pique she kept saying the phrase “put people on shout.” I have no idea what that means, but it sounds like what a Russian person might say when trying to say “make people angry” in poor English. “Please to not put people on shout, comrade. It makes to them with the red face of shame.”
Frankly, this run-of-the-mill tiff seemed blah after the raising of the “Real World” bar with last week’s menage a trois. But it does make for a more competitive workplace: If Arissa ever tries to get a promotion, she’s going to have to start getting her hair pulled fast if she wants to compete with Brynn’s orgy-packed resume. After all, Marc does have his standards.