1 ANNA NICOLE SMITH Many viewers of her reality show wondered if she was on drugs. But we’re all hoping she’s just naturally vapid and ditzy.
2 JON VOIGHT He can contact daughter Angelina only through TV interviews. It’s the Friends, Family & 270 Million Strangers plan.
3 DISNEY The studio will pay the nine Pennsylvania miners $150,000 each for their stories. Shouldn’t the mining company get something for making it all possible?
4 LITTLE LEAGUE WORLD SERIES It’s uncanny how well these kids imitate their big-league heroes. They’re even talking about a strike.
5 MARTHA STEWART A man is suing her, saying the scandal lowered the price of his stock. And his other stocks have gone up?
6 ELVIS Fans are converging in Memphis to commemorate the 25th anniversary of his death. Had he lived, he would be 700 pounds today.
7 THE GOOD GIRL Jennifer Aniston plays a bored small-town wife who’ll do anything to get out of town. Except get in a car and leave.
8 HIT SAUCE HBO will sell a line of Italian food inspired by The Sopranos. The slogan is very catchy: ”Buy it or we’ll hurt you.”
9 SPY KIDS 2 The children of secret agents save the entire world from total destruction. Sure, but can they clean up their rooms?
10 XXX Criminal Vin Diesel is made a secret agent with a license to kill, loot, and pillage. That’ll teach him.
11 FREDDY VS. JASON They’re going to make a movie starring both serial slashers. There’s no script — they’ll just film the fight over who gets top billing.
12 BLOOD WORK Ex-FBI profiler Clint Eastwood tries to find the killer of his heart-transplant donor. To thank him for shooting her in the head.
13 JIMI HENDRIX He’s been named the greatest guitarist of all time by one music magazine. But he came in very low on their list of health nuts.
14 BADA-RING A reputed Russian mobster is allegedly behind the Olympic skating scandals. He wanted the gold medalists to star in The Sopranos on Ice.
15 LISA LESLIE The first woman to dunk a basketball in a pro game. Now who will be the first WNBA star to be arrested on a domestic violence charge?