1 ANGELINA JOLIE She’s filed for divorce from Billy Bob Thornton. She caught him wearing someone else’s blood.
2 RAY ROMANO In Action Abramowitz, he’ll play a guy who gets knocked on the head and wakes up thinking he’s a superhero. Or as we call them, CEOs.
3 HARRY POTTER The long-awaited fifth book is reportedly still a year away. The good news is that the first 3,000 pages are finished.
4 THE COUNTRY BEARS The Disney World kiddie attraction has been turned into a feature. But you can only buy tickets for half the movie or for three showings.
5 THE MONKEES There are plans for a teen version of the original manufactured band. The first song will be called ”Keepin’ It Real.”
6 AUSTIN POWERS IN GOLDMEMBER The timewarping ’60s spy finds himself in the superfly ’70s. He’s there to prevent Dr. Evil from inventing disco.
7 DONNY OSMOND The ex-teen idol will host an updated version of The $25,000 Pyramid. The $2,500 Square.
8 MEET MY FOLKS A reality show where parents let the least sleazy contestant date their daughter. Shouldn’t it be Meet My Pimps?
9 SPACE CADET ‘N Sync star Lance Bass is willing to pay the Russians something like $20 million to go into space this October. He wants to visit his home planet.
10 SIX FEET UNDER The HBO show about a family-run funeral home got 23 Emmy nominations. Is it a publicity stunt if they all show up in black limousines?
11 SNOOP DOGG ACTION FIGURES Well, I guess we all know what Grandma will be getting Muffy and Brad this Christmas.
12 LE TOUR DE FRANCE The most grueling bicycle race in the world. Invented during the first of France’s monthly public transportation strikes.
13 RATS Blaming a plague of rodents, six tony L.A. restaurants have had to close. You and I can’t get in but a rat can?
14 SNAKEHEADS The voracious Asian import can eat every fish in your favorite lake and then walk to the next one. But so can my neighbors.
15 JACK OSBOURNE’S INJURED ARM Apparently Ozzy never lectured him with ”If all your friends jumped off a #&$*ing pier in Malibu, would you?”