1 THE SUM OF ALL FEARS Ben Affleck learns that a nuclear bomb is supposed to go off at the Super Bowl. Luckily he doesn’t warn the FBI and is able to stop it.
2 UV INDEX There’s a new product out there that will protect you from the harmful rays of the summer sun. It’s called clothing.
3 ALABAMA The hugely successful country-music group has decided it’s time to retire. They still plan to play every now and then but under the name Florida.
4 TONY AWARDS The second-highest honor a Broadway show can get. The first is a line in front of the box office.
5 UNDERCOVER BROTHER A spoof of all the platform shoe/giant Afro/blaxploitation films of the ’70s. Austin Powers X.
6 HARRY POTTER J.K. Rowling hasn’t finished book 5 in time for this summer’s anticipated release. The good news is that she has only 800 pages to go.
7 PERRY COMO The late crooner left instructions to sell his personal items at auction. Because he knew some of the stuff would go for a song.
8 CLINT MATHIS The great American hope in World Cup soccer. If the team does well, he’ll be famous everywhere but America.
9 THE WIRE The new HBO series pits police against a narcotics kingpin and other cops. And it must be good because they swear a lot and have nude scenes.
10 STEPHEN HAWKING He’s trying to block publication of a collection of his lectures called The Theory of Everything. Seems his theory doesn’t cover book contracts.
11 FEATHERLESS CHICKENS Israeli scientists came up with a roaster that doesn’t need to be plucked. There’s only one problem — it doesn’t taste just like chicken.
12 TYSON-LEWIS FIGHT Some say Tyson should be banished from boxing. For not coming up to the sport’s high ethical standards.
13 THE DUCHESS OF YORK She may become a talk-show host. With topics like ”Are Your Servants Stealing?” and ”Butler Makeovers.”
14 IRREVERSIBLE A film so sick and violent that even the jaded crowd at Cannes left in disgust. And that’s its target audience.
15 THE HAMPTONS It’s the opposite of Survivor. The person who brings the most stuff to a beautiful island resort and contributes least to the tribe wins.