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THE ORDER

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Buried somewhere in Hollywood is an ancient parchment listing signs of a movie apocalypse. Among them: Van Damme (who shares a writing credit) ripping off Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in a torpid Mideast ”adventure”; Van Damme disguised as a Hasid, smacking around hapless Israeli cops while zany klezmer music blares; Van Damme answering ”Was that a gunshot?” with ”No, I farted.” Oy.

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