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Hunter gets the boot

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Hunter Ellis
Survivor Marquesas: CBS

Hunter gets the boot

Ouch! I think I just busted my pinky trying to type this intro. How fitting, considering this latest ”Survivor” episode had more honest-to-God carnage than a regular installment of ”WWF Smackdown!”

First, John the nurse (whose last name is NOT ”Focker,” incidentally) cut open his hand on a sea urchin. (This is where things got a bit randy, as he demanded someone immediately urinate on him to ease the pain. Funny how we never saw that one on ”ER.”) Then Robert the limo driver sliced open his foot on a rock, leading him to comment that ”Pain is easy, life is hard.” (But isn’t pain part of life, and thereby hard as well? Sorry.) Perhaps feeling outdone, John went BACK into the water and managed to get himself bit by an eel, leading to a bloody scene as well as a ”cracked fingernail.” Now, I can take all the backstabbing, bickering, and boob jobs that ”Survivor” has to offer, but I’m not good at handling blood, so all this red stuff made me a bit queasy and furthered my dislike for the otherwise bland and boring Rotu. Even their self-anointed nicknames are weak. Sweet Pea? Pappy? C’mon.

But even my favorite homies over at Maraamu (yes, I take sides) were dealing with a touch of nastiness — those head-to-toe insect bites from the little nono bug. Oh yeah, another thing I discovered about Maraamu this week… THEY’RE IDIOTS!!!! By voting off Hunter, they lost the one person in their group who actually knew what the hell he was doing. He also seemed to be the only player motivated enough to try and get his team back in the game. Oh, well. The winless ones now seem destined to get smoked by the merge, unless Mark Burnett pulls another fast one like he did in Africa and switches up the teams. (Highlights for next week indicate there could possibly be some sort of maneuver in the works.)

While Rob’s scheming and Sean’s overall wackiness are still entertaining, the more they lose, the less pep we see in their step. Hunter’s diatribe about acting like a winner 24 hours a day was definitely cheesy (where’d he get that? ”Bob Patterson”?). But Hunter does have a point: This team seems defeated. And by sending Hunter packing, they admitted as much, basically saying, ”Well, if we’re going down anyway, why not get rid of the guy who makes us realize we’re all a bunch of lazy losers.”

It’s too bad, really. These guys could have been the life of the ”Survivor” party but now are getting their clocks cleaned on a regular basis by a tame team who spends all their time talking about how much they love each other and how they’re this close to curing cancer. Okay, I made that last part up, but Rotu’s lovey-dovey ways make Up With People look risqué. Although, on second thought, I’m pretty sure none of those hands being held at UWP was urinated on.

What do you think? Does Maraamu still have a chance?

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