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Patricia is the second Survivor voted off

The latest Survivors need to learn their history if they want to escape the fate of those who have gone (and been booted off) before, says Dalton Ross

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Patricia Jackson, Survivor: Marquesas
Patricia: Monty Brinton/CBS

Patricia is the second Survivor voted off

”Noooooooooooo!” That was the sound escaping the lips of millions of horny young men last night at approximately 8:56 Eastern Standard Time when boobalicious Sarah received her third vote for removal from tribe Maraamu. Thankfully for her and Peeping Toms everywhere, she was spared expulsion as Patricia (or ”Mama”) was tagged with vote number four. (Our favorite part of the voting was when Hunter labeled Sarah ”a distraction.” Uh, well, yeah!) But both their situations beg the question: Are these people even remotely familiar with the finer points of ”Survivor” Etiquette 101?

Those who don’t know history are condemned to repeat it, and so far all the people in danger (or worse) have each committed cardinal ”Survivor” sins. Patricia, who was spared last week even though she was an obvious team liability, ruined the ”feelgood stick around” story by bossing everyone to high heaven. Hello? Ever heard of B.B.? She should have known that her potentially positive role as a mother figure would be greatly outweighed — and we’re not using that word as some sort of sick joke — by the omnipresent nag factor.

Sarah — and Sean to a degree — seemed less concerned with winning than doing a Gervase/Clarence impersonation to see how little work she — and he — could get away with doing. Her reasoning that she works 16-hour days at home and plans to relax on this trip is fine, but if she wants to sew up the inevitable Playboy pictorial and thus possibly avoid 16-hour workdays for at least the next few years, we suggest she get a little more face — er, breast — time on camera, which certainly won’t happen if she gets her lazy ass voted off next week.

Even the perpetually boring yet victorious Rotu tribe has its own clueless contestant, as creepy Kathy has so far done everything in her power to distance herself from her fellow castaways. Now, if she is somehow playing her own little secret game of Let’s See Who Can Alienate Themselves the Fastest, she is, in fact, doing a bang-up job. But as Deb in ”The Australian Outback” showed us, separation = SEE YA! And that would truly be a shame because this woman obviously has a good sense of humor. (Her ”I’m not that hard to get along with” line? Classic.)

Other than these curious gaming strategies, episode 2 reinforced what we learned in last week’s premiere. Maraamu obviously has the more interesting characters and already blooming alliances, yet if it doesn’t start winning some damn challenges, there will hardly be anything left of the team by the merge. Rotu easily won the rowboat challenge (although a gratuitous cleavage shot of Sarah should count for something for Maraamu) and won immunity for the second straight week.

(Speaking of challenges, the reward one in which they had to empty rocks out of a sunken boat was at least original, if anticlimactic. And while I still think it’s time to finally take the food challenge off the menu, watching Rob try to not hurl while scarfing down that funky fish was perhaps the funniest thing I’ve seen on television IN YEARS!) If this one-sided tribal beatdown continues, Mark Burnett will no doubt pull one of his ”the game keeps changing” rule switcheroos designed to add a little well-choreographed drama to the mix. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that, and that our feuding favorites can somehow get it together.

What do you think?