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After a hiatus, the 'Island' girls go wild

Dalton Ross ponders why the guys are lagging behind, and why he can’t stop watching this stuff

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Temptation Island
Temptation Island 2: Jason Willheim/Fox

After a hiatus, the ‘Island’ girls go wild

Hello, my name is Dalton, and I am an addict. A ”Temptation Island” addict, to be more precise. It started off innocently at first, you know, just for laughs. But it wasn’t long before I found myself craving it, needing that once a week fix. And my dealer, Edmundo, was always there to deliver, every Thursday night, always with a blast more powerful than the last. But then, just like that, he was gone. A week passed. No Edmundo. Another one. No Edmundo. Yet another. NO EDMUNDO!!!! Three weeks with no ”Temptation Island 2.” What was a poor reality TV junkie to do?

The withdrawal symptoms were pretty severe, but I was finally free. So when Fox brought back the reality sleaze fest after a month long absence, I figured what was the harm in checking it out, just for old times’ sake. Of course, it doesn’t work that way. I’m hooked…again.

But there was something quite different about this latest installment. In a surprising twist, Edmundo and Tommy weren’t the ones sleazing it up. (Although they did, as always, supply the evening’s most hilarious moment. But we’ll get to that later.) No, this time all the action was on the other side of the island where their ladies, Catherine and Nikkole, were administering a little girl power… if you consider getting naked with relative strangers behind your boyfriend’s back a form of empowerment. Some do, especially on ”Temptation Island,” where everything is relative.

Let’s start with Catherine, although her end seems to be the main attraction for steamy single Brian, judging by the repeated squeezes he took out of it as they made out on the beach. Catherine just couldn’t contain her glee when she and Bry guy, one of original tempters who was just brought back onto the show, returned from their big date. Unfortunately, not everyone was as happy with the new love connection, most noticeably her former suitor, Rossi. In fact, Rossi became so upset he took extreme measures, writing ”dude” on his chest in neon paint. When this failed to sufficiently impress Catherine, he decided to try throwing her and Brian in the pool (after pouring a bottle of water over the head of his new competition). Strangely, these acts also failed to win back either her heart or her respect.

While Catherine and her new crush were in a horizontal position on the beach, Nikkole was getting a little hot around the collar. Good thing she had a fireman (”Tommy NY”) there to hose her down. Speaking of hose, it was during this time that Tommy NY and Nikkole entered the record books, seeming to provide the first on air sex sequence in ”Temptation Island” history. (Hard to believe it took this long, isn’t it?) Congratulations to them. Their mothers must be so proud.

Though the girls were providing all the fun (newcomer Kelley also ended up in bed with one of the singles — she even brought her toothbrush!), the guys were still around to provide the funnies. After John and Tommy watched video clips of their girlfriends partying down, Tommy declared himself a man on a mission. ”It’s time to switch a gear or two,” he said forcefully, ”and it’s probably time to pump up the volume.” Probably?!? By God, man. Get to it!!!

Not surprisingly, Edmundo seconded the motion, clearly disturbed that their girlfriends were daring to dance with men and drink alcohol. And then, proving that he truly does live in some sort of alternate universe only known to… well, people named Edmundo, the Big E turned to his new soul brother Tommy and stated, without the slightest trace of irony, ”I’m just happy we haven’t engaged in any of that at our place. You know, what I mean?” Actually, Edmundo, we have no freakin’ idea what the hell you’re talking about! I guess those lap dances and naked co-ed toothbrushing sessions were just ”get to know you” sessions. And just think, NOW they’re gonna pump up the volume! How long till my next fix again?