Have you seen him? Tell me, have you seen him? Not for about seven years, probably. But that’s all about to change, as MC Hammer is suddenly everywhere! Okay, maybe not everywhere, but he did coexecutive-produce a cable pic on his life, Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story (airing on VH1 on Dec. 19); there’s also a new CD, Active Duty, in stores. Fortunately for us, the rejuvenated rapper isn’t too legit to quit on some stupid questions.
So let me begin by asking, what exactly will happen to me if I touch this?
You’ll turn to stone, man. If you touch this, you turn to stone.
That’s what I figured. Now, you once jumped out of a building, using your baggy pants as a parachute to descend to safety in a Taco Bell ad. Discuss.
Well, it wasn’t that difficult, but it was different, because when you get that harness between your legs and all that, you don’t want to make a mistake.
Vanilla Ice complained that you dissed him when he was your opening act. That said, I’d like to offer you the opportunity to dis him again.
Ohhhh! You know what’s funny is, I never dissed Vanilla Ice. To have a guy wearing my clothes and imitating my dance moves was flattering to me. I used to say I’m always imitated but never duplicated.
You once challenged Michael Jackson to a big dance-off. So tell me, can you still take him?
Man, I’ll tear him apart. I love Michael and he’s a great performer, but like anything else, if we’re gonna go one-on-one, I have to do it to him.
What does a guy have to do to get the Hammerman cartoon back on the air?
Ha! Go have a meeting with ABC, man.
Okay, will you go with me?
Yeah, I thought the message was really positive in the cartoon so, uh, sure.
Now about that Speedo swimsuit you’re sporting in the ”Pumps and a Bump” video. A couple of ladies in the office would like to know if what we’re seeing is, how should I put this, all natural.
Hey, tell ’em it was 100 percent all natural! Definitely.
You’ve got the movie and the new CD and all this stuff going on, so can we now officially set our clocks to Hammer time?
Absolutely. Set your clocks for Hammer time, and your feet for dancing.