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The playas come out, and their gals are peeved

Dalton Ross explains what’s wrong with men, and gives thanks for the departure of Tony and Genevieve

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Temptation Island
Temptation Island 2: Jason Willheim/Fox

The playas come out, and their gals are peeved

NEWSFLASH: Men are pigs. Of course, this is common knowledge in most circles, but it’s easy to forget sometimes. Thank God we have programs such as ”Temptation Island 2” to set us straight. Never was the great sexual divide more pronounced than in the Dec. 6 episode — one that ended with an engagement, but was otherwise noticeable for its display of tormented girlfriends and the men who dis and dismiss them.

The episode began innocently enough, with the couples each watching videotaped messages from their loved ones. But already the differences were as evident as Catherine?s not-so-subtle boob job. All the women told their boys how much they missed and loved them, while the fellas talked about more generic things like ”having a good time.” Catherine did seem a bit concerned about the detached look in Edmundo’s eyes, yet still referred to him as ”my prince,” which begs the question, prince of what, groping drunken blondes?

If there was any doubt at this point that men are scum, they were erased at the ensuing ”bonfire” when the women watched short video clips of the boyfriends (in the immortal words of Funkadelic) standing on the verge of getting it on. Actually, sitting on the verge is more like it because of all the lap dances on display. Catherine kicked things off by having to sit through a porno. Well, maybe not a porno, but it was pretty damn close as she watched Edmundo bury his head in a sea of bosoms while making out with everybody’s favorite slutty blonde, Hillary. ”That is not Edmundo,” Catherine cried. ”This is not the guy I know.” Funny, because that’s EXACTLY the guy we know from watching this playa in action the past couple o’ weeks. In between tears, she went on to complain that he ”looks like a fool,” and while she may indeed have a point, he did like one mighty HAPPY fool.

Not to be outdone, Nikkole then watched as her boyfriend Tommy ordered some girl to stick her crotch in his face. Oh, look, it’s slutty Hillary again. Man, is she busy. Nikkole also seemed very upset at both the men and their foul temptresses. ”It’s not very classy what those girls are doing over there,” Nikkole observed. This is a pretty valid point, because you’d really think the producers of ”Temptation Island 2” would’ve made a concerted effort to pack the place with tea-totaling virgins. She also calls poor Hillary a ”prostitute,” which on the surface seems a bit extreme until you remember that she IS getting paid to be there and do those things. Hmmm?

Now I need to get to Tony and Genevieve. The short version is that Genevieve dragged Tony to ”TI” because she wanted to meet other guys. Imagine her surprise, then, when she got there and found out all other males thought she was a self-centered psycho. So the video message she sent Tony was a marriage proposal, which Tony eventually — after dragging out his answer for dramatic effect — accepted. They left the island and went off to settle down in the country with a dog and two kids. Well, scratch the kids because crazy Genevieve already had her tubes tied, so the dog will have to do. Thank God these people are gone.

So when the guys who DIDN’T get engaged watched their tapes, all they saw was their honeys getting good-natured massages. Nothing more. Why? Because they’re not shameless sex fiends, I suppose. Could it be playas Tommy and Edmundo are just fakin’ bacon and will begin to feel a sudden sense of shame over their antics? Not likely. In promos for next week’s episode, we see a clip of Edmundo apparently having sex with Hillary — who else? — while he brushes his teeth naked. All of which proves one thing: Men are pigs. Allow me to be the first to say, ”Oink. Oink.”