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Harry Potter vs. the Angry Inch

How do the movies’ Hedwigs — owls and humans alike — stack up?

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Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

—English-born owl who becomes the messenger and companion of a young British wizard
—Shadows her wildly famous owner, Harry Potter, to whom she is unquestionably loyal
—Experienced in delivering mail
—White feathered wings are strong and swift
—Causes a ruckus when cooped up in her cage too long

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

—German-born boy who becomes a girl, a GI’s wife, and an ”internationally ignored rock star”
—Shadows her wildly famous ex, Tommy Gnosis, to whom she is questionably loyal
—Experienced in being male
—Blond feathered bangs are fluffy and Farrah Fawcetty
—Causes a ruckus when bras are put in the dryer