Puck Illustration by Drew Friedman
July 03, 2001 at 04:00 AM EDT

This isn’t a story that answers the question, What happens when people stop being polite and start getting real? Rather, this is a story that answers the question, What happens when people try to find new ways to amuse themselves while watching a show about people who stop being polite and start getting real?

In honor of the 10th-season debut of MTV’s longest-running original series, ”The Real World,” we present: The Real World Drinking Game.

The first time that two flirty housemates wind up in bed together — but just for a ”really amazing talk” — take a drink.

The first time someone plays with one of the strategically placed toys in the living room or kitchen, take a drink.

Every time someone has a sobby-teary phone call with a long-distance boyfriend/girlfriend that he/she has just cheated on, dial 1-800-2DRINKS.

The first time someone develops a hygiene issue that annoys a housemate, pull a Puck and stick your finger in your roommate’s jar of peanut butter.

Every time someone composes a heartfelt but painfully embarrassing song, take a big swig of your drink — and then spit it at the speaker on your TV set, temporarily shorting out the sound.

The first time someone defends his/her lame behavior as just ”keeping it real,” take a chip and put it on your shoulder.

Every time two roomies hug insincerely after a blowout, make a passive-aggressive comment to the person on your left.

The first time someone’s significant other comes to visit, leading to awkward moments with the other housemate who’s secretly in love with him/her, make an inappropriate pass at the person on your right.

Every time a housemate accuses another one of being racist/sexist/homophobic, deliver a heavy-handed lecture to the room about the dangers of alcohol.

Every time someone gets embarrassingly drunk, put away your drink out of empathetic shame.

Every time the drama queen of the show goes on a tirade, slam your shot glass down and then trash the room.

The first time someone talks about how one of their housemates — usually someone of a different ethnicity or orientation — has opened his/her mind to new ideas, turn off the show and read Kierkegaard or something.

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