Scott Brown
June 29, 2001 AT 04:00 AM EDT

For now, NBC has no plans for a celebrity edition of the new reality show Fear Factor. But host Joe Rogan imagines stars’ first challenge: ”Admit their real age. And show up on set without a publicist.” Right. So until hell freezes over, we offer this fantasy lineup.

CONTESTANTS

HALEY JOEL OSMENT

SCARY Parents finally break the news: ”Your love is real. But you are not.”

SCARIER Wakes up married to Macaulay Culkin’s ex, Rachel Miner.

JACKASS SCARY Puberty

GWYNETH PALTROW

[SCARY] 3 a.m. prank calls from Ben Affleck

[SCARIER] Disney greenlights Duets: Part Deux.

[JACKASS SCARY] ”The zipper’s stuck! The fat suit for Shallow Hal won’t come off!”

ALEC BALDWIN

[SCARY] Four more years of Bush/Cheney

[SCARIER] Mistaken for brother Stephen at the Blockbuster Awards.

[JACKASS SCARY] Ailing Devil and Daniel Webster project bailed out — by Kim Basinger.

DAVE MATTHEWS

[SCARY] An inexplicable upsurge in the popularity of Blues Traveler

[SCARIER] Fans graduate from college, become investment bankers.

[JACKASS SCARY] FCC mandates that all lyrics must be intelligible and well enunciated.

ANGELINA JOLIE

[SCARY] Recipient of first successful tattoo transplant from skin donor Dennis Rodman

[SCARIER] Billy Bob splits to have rocky affair with a mythical orange horse.

[JACKASS SCARY] None of the above covered by Access Hollywood

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