Jim Mullen
March 09, 2001 AT 05:00 AM EST

1 Cigarette-butt deposit Maine lawmakers want to make sure people pick up their own mess. Next they’ll want to put a $20 deposit on dog food.

2 $10 movies It’s outrageous what some Manhattan theaters will charge. How will we ever be able to pay the $3,000-a-month rent if tickets go up 50 cents?

3 Spring Training When baseball players practice the things they’ll need to use during the season: investing, tax avoidance, and portfolio management.

4 The Lone Gunmen The X-Files spin-off features three creepy, ultra-paranoid conspiracy-theory experts: Arlen Specter, Dan Burton, and Tim Russert.

5 The Mexican Julia Roberts wants Brad Pitt to stop working for the Mob. Where’d they meet? The Pretty Woman/Low-life Thug Ball?

6 The Sopranos In the third season feds tap Tony’s basement. They are looking for evidence of illegal Ping-Pong.

7 Everybody Loves Raymond CBS is ponying up a reported $140 million plus for two more years. Too bad, because most folks hate people with money.

8 XFL ratings They’ve gone over an Xcliff and into the Xtoilet. Soon, someone at NBC is going to get the X.

9 Survivor pundits There are people on TV who are ”experts” on Survivor. Do you have to take an exam for that?

10 Marshall Dyllon Kenny Rogers’ ‘N Sync-like country band. If he tries a country Spice Girls, it’ll be called Ms. Kitty.

11 Harrison Ford He’ll reportedly get $25 million for 20 days’ work in an action film. Those are 12- and 14-hour days.

12 Dennis Quaid He’s been pictured with at least seven beautiful women in as many months. He keeps sending thank-you notes to Russell Crowe.

13 Matthew Perry The Friends star is back in rehab. He’s not on drugs, he’s just trying to get a part on Ally McBeal.

14 Jackie, Ethel, and Joan A TV bio of Kennedy wives. For viewers who are just too damn happy.

15 The Fighting Fitzgeralds Brian Dennehy as the crusty patriarch of an Irish-American clan. Is there another kind?

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