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True Grid: the XFL

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Maybe they should call it the XXXFL. WWF chair Vince McMahon‘s ”smash mouth” pro-football league kicked off Feb. 3 when the New York-New Jersey Hitmen and the Las Vegas Outlaws butted heads. Players had names like Baby Boy, E-Rupt, and He Hate Me. The jiggly cheerleaders were more bada-bing than sis-boom-bah. And NBC commentator/Minnesota guv Jesse Ventura (above) was upstaged Feb. 4 by his UPN counterpart, Brian Bosworth, who likened the L.A. Xtreme’s tepid offense to ”fat people making love … They can move it around, they just can’t stick it in.” Here’s the score on the debut weekend.

Mike Flaherty

— Cameras covering the action in each game: 27
— Viewers who watched NBC’s Feb. 3 telecast: 15.7 million; who watched Feb. 4’s NFL Pro Bowl: 7 million
— On-camera appearances by the cheerleaders on NBC: 16.
— Times NBC announcer Jerry ”The King” Lawler swooned over the Orlando Rage cheerleaders in his 14 on-air minutes: 8
— Profanities aired during NBC’s broadcast: 2; during UPN’s: 2
— Number of WWF plugs: Zero, though The Rock and others appeared in stadium-monitor promos.

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