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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet

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1 Mad cow disease A beef-industry spokesman is adamant it will never get to this country. As he likes to say, ”It here happen, could never!”

2 XFL Now that the Super Bowl’s over, it’s time for extreme football. It’s just like regular football except you drink more beer and eat more chips.

3 KFC The couple who bought Colonel Sanders’ old house found a chicken recipe in it using 11 herbs and spices. Or was that Hannibal Lecter’s old place?

4 Oscar campaigns Some have accused the movie studios of using sleazy tactics to get votes. Others just eat the all-chocolate Juliette Binoche action figures.

5 Bryant Gumbel His wife’s lawyer reportedly claims he slept with 50 women during their 27 years together. Isn’t that what guys call ”a perfect marriage”?

6 Celine Dion Many tabloids and fan magazines got the facts wrong. It turns out she was not the first person in history to have a baby.

7 Survivor 2 Who can live under these hot, dirty, primitive conditions? This is a rhetorical question if you live in Alabama.

8 Presidential pardons Was it ethical for Clinton to pardon a guy whose ex-wife gave money to the Democrats? Before Bush could execute him?

9 Politically Incorrect Someone bid $47,000 to appear on the show. It’s an idea they picked up from the nightly news.

10 Sean ”Puffy” Combs His lawyers say if he weren’t rich and famous, he wouldn’t be on trial. That’s true. He’d be in jail.

11 Inside the Osmonds A TV movie about the singing family. They think they had it rough? We had to listen to them.

12 Chrysler It lost over a billion dollars in 2000 and is laying off 26,000. Why do people invest in such risky companies?

13 Anthony Edwards The ER star says he’s leaving in 2002. Let’s kill him off in an awful autoerotic defibrillator accident.

14 Left Behind: The Movie Based on biblical prophecy, millions of people disappear into thin air. Not as good as the book.

15 Jackass A teen suffered severe burns imitating a stunt on the MTV show. When he imitated VH1, his foot fell asleep.

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