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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet

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1. ALI
The Will Smith film about the heavyweight boxer reportedly has budget problems. So make it three minutes long and charge people $40 to watch it at home.

2. DON HENLEY
A fan who claims he hit her on the head with a maraca at a concert is suing. She’s been suffering from severe litigiousness ever since.

3. EBAY
The online auction site may ink a deal with ABC. It’ll be called Who Wants to Have a Million Beanie Babies.

4. QUEEN ELIZABETH
On a trip to Italy, she has requested no garlic or messy tomato sauces on her food. In other news, her taster just killed himself.

5. MADAME TUSSAUD’S
The famous wax museum has opened a branch in Times Square. The one who looks completely real is Al Gore. Oh, that is Al Gore.

6. PAY IT FORWARD
Haley Joel Osment promotes a scheme to reward people before they do you a favor. Or as we call it, ”a campaign contribution.”

7. BEDAZZLED
Brendan Fraser sells his soul to Liz Hurley for seven wishes. ”One: Don’t let me be caught in a rented BMW with a hooker. Two…”

8. BOSTON PUBLIC
A drama about teachers and students at an urban high school. I thought TV promised to cut back on sex and violence?

9. ONE TRUE LOVE
David Hasselhoff rescues a woman in a fire and falls in love. And they say it’s hard to meet someone.

10. THE LEGEND OF DRUNKEN MASTER
Jackie Chan’s always a bit tipsy when he fights. So what part of ‘Bama is he from?

11. MILLIONAIRE
NBC and CBS don’t want their celebs on the ABC hit. All the more work for Richard Hatch, then.

12. CSI
The crime scene investigation show is a surprise hit. So are most of its cases.

13. 98[Degrees]
The bubblegum band have been sued by their ex-manager for $25 million. They’d have to work till they’re 16 to make that kind of money!

14. XENA
The Warrior Princess is calling it quits after six years. She will be replaced by Fergie, the Gown-Wearing, Champagne-Drinking, Party-Going Princess.

15. GARY OLDMAN
The star of The Contender says the movie has a liberal bias. Just because the Republicans have horns and pitchforks?

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