1. Sean Penn
He’s not a pretentious, angst-ridden brat anymore. He’s a pretentious, angst-ridden director.
2. The Trumps at K Mart
”I don’t know either, dear. What is a vacuum cleaner?”
3. Calvin Klein Ads
Someone should have told the model his zipper was open-down to his feet.
4. The Fisher King
Robin Williams plays a homeless man with all the answers. Except how to get a house.
5. Douglas Wilder
The Dems have started throwing their hats in the ring. Of course, that’s everything they own.
6. Murphy Brown
Two signs a sitcom is running out of gas — someone having a baby and the cast starting to put on ”musicals.”
7. The New Kids on the Block
They made $115 million last year and haven’t changed a bit. Our kids have more spending money than we do.
8. Jodie Foster
What kind of child star is this? Isn’t she supposed to be out shoplifting?
9. Use Your Illusion I and II
Four years to make the new Guns N’ Roses albums. Apparently Axl can only write while he’s getting tattooed.
10. Rock-Video Girls
For people who feel the Miss America pageant isn’t degrading enough.
11. Robert Gates
He doesn’t seem to know much about anything. He should be perfect for the CIA.
12. Expelling Wonder Years
The producers have to find a new high school for locations because with the cameras around, the real students couldn’t concentrate on goofing off.
13. Laura Dern
She plays a sexy, innocent free spirit in Rambling Rose, but not like the one she played in Wild at Heart or Blue Velvet or Smooth Talk or…
14. A Fish Called Wanda
Making movies safe for television. They left in the incest jokes but toned down the stuttering cracks.
15. Marky Mark
Vealcake. Nobody’s gonna get rich selling him shirts.