1. JFK’s Character
From what you read, you’d think he had the morals of a reporter.
2. White House Water
Check the air, too. John Sununu’s been acting funny.
3. Jungle Fever
Now, let me see if I’ve got this straight — Spike Lee’s black, right?
4. Sunday Dinner
If only we’d had Norman Lear’s new show six months ago, we could have dropped it on Iraq.
5. Geena Davis
Foxy like a crazy.
6. City Slickers
I enjoy laughing at ”sensitive” men as much as the next guy. Blazing Saddles meets thirtysomething at a Wild Man weekend.
7. James Brown’s Cable Concert
He’s free, we pay.
8. Jay Leno
Remember what they used to say about Johnny Carson: ”Sure he’s funny, but he’s no Jack Paar.”
9. Tony Awards
A sham. Broadway’s best live show, Hot Wet Nurses, didn’t even get a nomination.
10. Dick Gephardt
Could you really vote for a guy who looks like Amy Carter?
11. Sally Field
She may be a lousy star, but she has become a great actress. Yet another fab performance in Soapdish.
12. Liz Taylor vs. The Enquire
And didn’t I read that she’s going to donate all the money she won to aliens?
13. Public Enemy No. 3,589,477
Busted for alleged gun possession, Vanilla Ice would love to see his face in every post office, but he’ll just have to get at the end of the line.
14. George Lucas
Planning three Star Wars prequels. Please, let the Ewoks have a dark side.
15. Fire Fighters
You knew what they did for a living before you saw Backdraft? I guess that kind of spoiled the ending, huh?