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The Rating Game

From warnings for ‘Sixth Sense’ plot twists to plots based on ‘SNL’ skits, our ideas for an extended movie rating system

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R you ready for Hollywood’s new alphabet soup? With Washington scrutinizing Tinseltown’s sex and violence, some studios are considering a more detailed ratings system. One proposed option: R-V for violence, R-L for language, and R-S for sex. But is that really enough? EW offers a guide to the real dangers of the cinema.

R-PHAT

The following teen movie contains slang that no real adolescent has used in three years.

R-VP

The following material is a vanity project, and may contain dreadlocked aliens.

R-SNL

The following material is based on a Saturday Night Live skit and may not be able to sustain an entire film.

R-FFF

The following movie has been influenced by the Farrelly brothers and may contain flying feces.

R-PT

The following Sixth Sense rip-off contains a pointless and strained plot twist in the last five minutes.

R-ZZZ

The following movie’s editor was apparently in a coma, and the resulting film lasts three or more hours.

R-AARP

The following movie contains a wrinkled 50-plus actor cavorting with a twentysomething ingenue.