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Athletic Support: Edited Olympics

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Bronze-worthy ratings for the Ozzie Olympics have NBC pole-vaulting to please advertisers, but we’ve got a fix: Pluck out the best athletes, track down their showbiz doppelgangers, and condense the 17-day event into one two-hour teleflick.

U.S. sprinter Marion Jones, who’ll exhale after her quest for five gold medals, played by Waiting to Exhale‘s Lela Rochon

Friendly Australian swimmer Ian Thorpe, played by Friend-ly American Schwimmer, David

”The Flying Dutchman,” swimmer Pieter van den Hoogenband, played by a high-flying Englishman, Hugh Grant

Pouty blond Russian gymnast/diva Svetlana Khorkina, played by pouty, svelte blond Uma Thurman

Misty Hyman, who knows the facts of swimming, played by Mindy Cohn, who knows The Facts of Life

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