Bronze-worthy ratings for the Ozzie Olympics have NBC pole-vaulting to please advertisers, but we’ve got a fix: Pluck out the best athletes, track down their showbiz doppelgangers, and condense the 17-day event into one two-hour teleflick.
U.S. sprinter Marion Jones, who’ll exhale after her quest for five gold medals, played by Waiting to Exhale‘s Lela Rochon
Friendly Australian swimmer Ian Thorpe, played by Friend-ly American Schwimmer, David
”The Flying Dutchman,” swimmer Pieter van den Hoogenband, played by a high-flying Englishman, Hugh Grant
Pouty blond Russian gymnast/diva Svetlana Khorkina, played by pouty, svelte blond Uma Thurman
Misty Hyman, who knows the facts of swimming, played by Mindy Cohn, who knows The Facts of Life