We gave it a C
Memo to self: (1) send a thank-you letter to my ”people.” ‘Cause, omigod, you guys — I just finished my first Spanish album! It’s called Mi Reflejo, or ”My Reflection.” Gosh, I have so many fans already — all those girls, and all those grown-ups who like the way I sing ”At Last,” plus, for some weird reason, a bunch of old guys. Crazy! But they said I could tap into a new ”demographic market” with a Spanish record. They even made all the liner notes in Spanish. (And why not? I am part Ecuadorian!)
(2) Thank my producer for those diction lessons! For about half the album, I had to sing my hits, like ”I Turn to You” and ”Genie in a Bottle,” in this other language. I thought it would be easy — Ecuadorian, remember? — but geez, he had to write everything out for me phonetically! I’m a hard worker, though. And I sure showed him that no matter how many foreign words I had to learn, I can still hit tons of unnecessary high notes. Wait’ll Mariah hears me on ”El Beso del Final” (that means ”The Final Kiss,” you guys)! She’ll have one of those midlife crises!
(3) Send thank-you note to Luis Fonsi. He’s this cool new Puerto Rican singer who dueted on ”Si No Te Hubiera Conocido” (”If I Hadn’t Met You”). He’s got a nice voice, but he didn’t get in my way. Hey, isn’t it cool how some of the new songs are pretty ballads old Latin ladies’ll like, and the brassy ones with horns — like ”Falsas Esperanzas” (”False Hopes”) — still leave me room to growl like a ”blues singer”? Wow!
(4) Send another thank-you note to my ”handlers.” Not only did we record a Spanish version of ”Come on Over Baby,” but it’s going to be used in a Coca-Cola commercial! Michael Jackson was right — hawking your music in pursuit of world conquest rules!
(5) Make sure they use photos of me on the cover in tight, skimpy white outfits, with at least two belly-button shots. Take that, Jennifer L.! Oh, and ask translator how to say ”south-of-the-border jailbait” in Ecuadorian. C