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Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

TV’s funniest lines from July 20-27

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”According to a new report, the U.S.-Canadian border is so poorly patrolled that it’s easy to sneak across. This means at any moment Celine Dion could get back in the country.”
Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”ABC is developing The Mole, in which a group of people engage in a series of challenges. The hitch is that one of them is trying to subvert the process…rumor has it it’s the person that keeps messing everything up.”
Jon Stewart on The Daily Show

”A new study shows that teens today are having less sex than a decade ago. Part of the reason, apparently, is due to the AIDS epidemic, and part is because of that naked fat guy on Survivor.”
Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect

”Clinton’s doing the best he can. Earlier today, he told the Israeli prime minister, ‘Well, you know, my last girlfriend was Jewish.”’
David Letterman, discussing the Middle East peace summit, on Late Show