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Linda Richman speaks

Linda Richman speaks — Though he once parodied her on ”SNL,” Mike Myers’ mother-in-law scomes to the ”Dieter” writer’s defense

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Mike Myers is angry. The studio’s furious. But the most verklemmt of all? Linda Richman, Myers’ mother-in-law, the flesh-and-blood basis for Linda Richman of SNL‘s ”Coffee Talk.” We asked the Babs-loving maven for her thoughts. And we swear, she does exist — and tawks like this.

What’s the story, Linda?
Oy! Gott in himmel! I’m nauseated by it. Look, I’m Mike’s mother-in-law. I’ve known the kid for 14 years — the best of him, the worst of him. The worst of him is fabulous. So I’m trying to figure out, What in God’s name is going on?

What in God’s name is going on?
Explain to me this: A boy gives up $20 million and 12.5 percent of the gross, and they’re suing him? I’d like to kill him for giving up that money! What is he, meshugge?

Imagine alleges Mike displayed ”inexcusable bigotry” So, nu?
Oh, yeah. That has a lot of credibility. Let me tell you a little bit about my son-in-law you won’t read in the papers. When they were getting married, all right, Mike surprised me by having a huppah [a Jewish marriage canopy]. And he broke a glass like a Jew in a ceremony. And he wore a yarmulke on his goyish head. I thought it was very touching. I mean, this is a goy from Canada! You tell me ”bigotry”? I’m gonna tell you — put me on the stand with my Louis Vuitton bag, and I will be there to refute that!

The lawyers also insist Mike ”acted maliciously and oppressively.”
This Bert Fields [Imagine’s entertainment attorney], I feel sorry for. You know I love celebrities. You know that I’m a Barbra Streisand fan and I’m never gonna deny that. And this Bert Fields is part of that Old Hollywood. To me, I was excited that he was the lawyer, even though he was suing my Mike. It was like, ”Oh wow, Bert Fields! Mike must really be a big shot now, to have a lawyer like that calling him names!” Trouble is, he’s just repeating what his clients are telling him to say. In Yiddish, that’s called narrishkeit!

Narrishkeit?
Listen. It’s like, nobody’s rich enough out there in California. When do you get rich enough? At what point? To me, a million dollars is a million dollars. Brian Grazer needs $100 million because he’s short? I don’t get it. Here’s what it is: They don’t see Mike. They see a cash cow. I say to them: It’s enough. Brian, little Opie [Ron Howard] — you’ve got enough! Relax, take it easy, leave the boy alone. Nobody’s perfect.

How upset are Mike and Robin?
After these kids were chased on those dark California roads, my daughter called me and she was shaking. And only a mother can hear a daughter shaking long distance. I’m sure your mother can hear shaking long distance, too. Let me tell you something: Mike took me on the ride of my life in terms of joy and happiness and if this is a bad guy? Bull caca!

What’s gonna happen now?
Listen, they attacked my kids and if I had Brian and Opie in front of me, I’d slap them because they called my Mike difficult. But maybe that’s a compliment. You know, I think that’s great. You know why? They called Streisand difficult, too, all right? And that’s good company to keep.