When we last left Ramona, she was reeling from getting two votes at Pagong’s first Tribal Council (only the ousted B.B. received more). In Days 7 and 8 of this exclusive journal excerpt, she tries to make sense of her island strife.
By any means necessary — Malcolm X
WE LOST AGAIN… kinda bummed out, but the reward challenges just don’t seem that rewarding to us. Today’s reward was two pairs of snorkeling goggles, fins, and a spear. The thing is, we’ve already had fish. Minnows, but fish nonetheless, so it wasn’t really a big loss to us. Tomorrow is another immunity challenge, though, and we need to win. The other tribe has beat us twice now, and I think they feel a momentum shift — we have to put a stop to that.
I think we were so burnt out from last night’s fiasco [the trek to Tribal Council] that we only had half to give. Meanwhile, I’m feeling great today, physically. Mentally, I’m working on it. It’s hard — I don’t trust anyone anyway and now it’s just worse. I talked to Gervase about how I was feeling like people had sorta formed cliques and how I was a part of none — that I felt like an outsider in the group — that people who had been talking to me before weren’t now (or not as [much]). The group is more [comfortable] with Gervase than [with me], probably because he’s been around white people all his life and this is the most I’ve been around for this amount of time. Like dogs sense fear, I think they’ve picked up on it.
All I can do is be me, man… that’s it. I’m not gonna be someone I’m not for the sake of gain. That would not be fair to me — I would not be being true to self, and that has to be done at all costs!
The moon is a day away from being full — nighttime is amazingly bright and beautiful! I am so blessed. I have shelter that’s right at the sea’s front door, food, clothing, and companions. I have full view of God’s creations… the heavens and earth, land and sea, and the creatures that inhabit both. I’ve seen beautiful sunsets and sunrises and the moon and stars as bright and as close as they’ve ever been… and think, this is the WORST it’s ever been for me!
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I just ate roasted rat! I know people will never believe it until they see it, and never in a million years would I have thought I’d do it — BUT I DID AND IT WAS GOOD!
Not sure if we have an immunity challenge today, but if not, the plan is to wash clothes and visit the mud volcanoes. I feel like I’ve made peace with things here; the people, my place within the tribe, and the possibility of being voted off next. I’m so cool with it. I know it sounds corny, but I really do feel fortunate having just been chosen. I’ve seen another country (and can knock Asia off the continent list), been to Los Angeles, stayed in great hotels, met lots of new people, learned some new things about myself and others, learned to appreciate more by living with less, seen beauty in more than one way every day — and most of all, I’ve had one of the greatest adventures of my life!
Come back tomorrow as EW.com continues to post exclusive diary entries that will appear in this week’s EW, on newstands Friday, July 21. Or see yesterday’s entry on EW.com — or visit our ”Survivor” hub page.