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Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

TV’s funniest lines from to July 7-14, 2000

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”The only reason I’d bring a Bible is if I needed toilet paper.”
Rudy, discussing teammate Dirk’s reading material, on Survivor

”Yesterday, George W. Bush said that there is no good reason why the United States is second to last in standardized test scores. Bush said, ‘It’s appalling that the only country to score below us is that one next to the country shaped like a boot.”’
Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”It was so hot in the city today, New Yorkers were actually going indoors to urinate.”
David Letterman on Late Show

”I’m not sure bisexuality even exists. I think it’s just a layover on the way to Gaytown.”
Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) on Sex and the City