1. THE BOSS
Some NYC cops don’t like his new song about the unarmed black man they shot at 41 times. They prefer his up-tempo stuff.
2. ANNA KOURNIKOVA
Why did Sports Illustrated put the yet-to-win-a-singles-title tennis player on a recent cover? Because Pamela Anderson doesn’t even play croquet.
3. WHITNEY HOUSTON
Somebody whose second cousin knows someone who used to work in a record store said she needs help. Pass it along.
4. THE CORNCAM
Thanks to the Iowa Farmer Today‘s website, you can watch corn grow. But to make it more exciting, they plan to vote out one stalk a week.
5. EARLY SHOW
Neighbors are complaining about the noisy crowds that hang around Bryant Gumbel’s studio. If only that many people watched at home.
6. ENRIQUE IGLESIAS
Turns out he can carry a tune. But now there’s a tape of Bob Dylan where he sings off-key.
The British Prime Minister is upset that the movie has Americans taking credit for English heroics. Hey, we gave you 50 years to make your own movie.
8. 1900 HOUSE
PBS tails a family living for three months without electricity or running water. Are they in my co-op?
9. TITAN A.E.
Matt Damon and Drew Barrymore in space after the earth has been destroyed. It’s the little things, like planets, that you don’t miss till they’re gone.
Samuel L. Jackson quarreled with the film’s white producer. He was angry his first choice was Bruce Willis.
11. LOS ALAMOS
Nuclear secrets are missing from a vault. That settles it. They never should’ve hired Homer Simpson.
12. GAS PRICES
Some places it’s more than $2 a gallon. Guess we’ll have to cut back on the $3 lattes and $4-a-pack smokes.
Mike Myers nixed the movie, saying the script was no good. That never stopped him from doing it on SNL.
14. CELINE DION
She’s looking forward to having a baby with her elderly hubby. And changing two sets of diapers.
The government’s accusing them of antitrust violations. Could it be the way they point a gun at your head and force you to apply for credit?