1. JANET JACKSON
The pop diva is ending her secret marriage of nine years. Secretly, we care.
The pretend castaways have more buzz than Millionaire. To attract more contestants Regis is adding rats to the green-room buffet.
3. TIM MCGRAW
The country singer and Father of the Year was charged with assaulting an officer. The award now goes to the runner-up, Bobby Brown.
4. CHERYL TIEGS
The 52-year-old ex-model is having children with the help of a surrogate mother. I’m hiring someone to hold her a baby shower.
5. GONE IN 60 SECONDS
How long it takes Nicolas Cage to steal a car. The inevitable car chase afterward takes 60 minutes.
6. AFI’S FUNNIEST 100 FILMS
Will Battlefield Earth make the top 10?
The WB network has reportedly told the stars of Dawson’s and Buffy not to cut their hair short. How long before they pay a million dollars an episode to a wig?
8. CAPRI PANTS FOR MEN
The mid-calf-length pants are selling for $225 a pair in some stores. A big scarf, hoop earrings, and you’ll scream Casual Friday!
9. CAMILLA PARKER BOWLES
The Queen finally spoke to Prince Charles’ girlfriend at a party. She asked her to taste the onion dip before she did.
10. JOHN ROCKER
The Atlanta not-so-Brave threatened a reporter. That’s what happens when a man has a major-league arm and triple-A brain.
A show about what a bratty, spoiled teenager thinks about life. I.C.C.L. — I Could Care Less.
12. RETURN TO LOVE TOUR
Diana Ross and Some Supremes are hitting the road. It brings back one third of the memories.
13. SCREW-ON CAPS
One of California’s luxury vineyards is shipping its Reserve Cabernet in corkless bottles. What next? Dom Perignon in a can?
The rapper was arrested in a late-night brawl. Or, as it’s called in the record business, ”a promotional tour.”
15. LOVE’S LABOUR’S LOST
Shakespeare as a ’30s movie musical. I’m putting on my top hat, strapping on my bodkin…