1. Matthew Perry
The Friends star smashed his Porsche into an L.A. manse. Damn! There goes two hours’ pay.
2. Guy Ritchie
Madonna’s director boyfriend was arrested after a fracas in front of her London home. They charged him with impersonating Sean Penn.
3. Passion of Mind
Demi Moore can’t distinguish her dreams from real life. Hugh Hefner has the same problem.
The Icelandic popster who won the Best Actress award at Cannes says she’ll never act again. Any chance of Tori Spelling winning next year?
5. Shanghai Noon
Jackie ”Does His Own Stunts” Chan rides the range in chaps and a ten-gallon hat. Originally called How the West Was Szechuan.
6. Larry King
The 66-year-old talker’s seventh wife has just given birth. The kid’s first words will be ”Mama” and ”Grandpa.”
7. Milton Berle
Mr. Television is suing NBC for losing copies of 128 episodes of his classic show. They had to make room for Veronica’s Closet tapes.
8. David Duchovny
He’s agreed to do 11 X-Files for a reported $20 million. But he won’t lift any heavy aliens and will only do light fingerprint dusting.
They’re planning a shooting arcade/restaurant for Times Square. Just the spot for your pre-Broadway dinner.
10. Yankee Stadium
Beer’s banned to make some sections more family friendly. Doesn’t that mean most homes aren’t?
Tom Cruise must stop a terrorist from unleashing a horrifying lethal substance — movie-theater popcorn.
12. Indy 500
Fast cars going around in a circle for three hours. You could see why a cat would watch it, but a human?
13. Tonya Harding
She spent three days in jail for beating up her beau. Isn’t that where she finds most of them?
14. Memorial Day
Cooking on a $600 grill with 50,000 other people in an exhaust-choked national park. Ah, back to nature.
15. Liz Hurley & Hugh Grant
The gorgeous couple have announced their separation. How will they ever find dates?