1. Michael Richards
Seinfeld‘s Kramer will star in his own NBC series next season as a bumbling detective. Will it be based in Boulder, Colo.?
2. Los Alamos
You mean we can invent an atomic bomb but we can’t put out a forest fire?
3. LeAnn Rimes
Her mom is suing her dad. For making LeAnn sing ”You Light Up My Life”?
4. Dirty Dancing 2
Ricky Martin and Natalie Portman have been mentioned as possible stars. Two people in Idaho have been mentioned as the possible audience.
Disney’s $200 million film about the tiny-brained, planet-ruling reptiles. The original title was Middle-Aged White Guys.
6. Road Trip
Animal House on wheels. Or is that what they call the Bush campaign bus?
7. Leo DiCaprio
He, Tobey Maguire, and some models are sharing a house in the Hamptons. Leo gets it every fourth weekend.
8. Shirley MacLaine She’s revealed that during a past life she was Charlemagne’s lover. Could be. Women were all over me back then.
9. Opening the Tombs of the Golden Mummies: Live
Ignoring the horrible curse that anyone who opens these will have to work at Fox TV their entire life.
10. PT Cruiser
The much-talked-about new Chrysler that looks like a ’47 Packard. You can buy it with war bonds.
11. Easy Rider 2
Someone wants to do a $30 million remake of the low-budget flick. This time they’ll drive Porsches.
12. Lucas in Love
The nine-minute spoof of the Star Wars creator is outselling Phantom Menace at Amazon. But no one’s buying the lunch boxes.
13. Jesse Ventura
A producer wants to do a musical about the gov. But won’t pro wrestling look phony on Broadway?
The stars will stay put for $750,000 an episode. It’s outrageous! You’d think they were basketball players.
15. CD Prices
Five major recording companies have agreed to stop fixing prices. Great. Then I agree to stop shoplifting them.