1. The Dukes of Hazzard: Hazzard in Hollywood
A special with most of the original cast. How did PBS miss this?
And the question is: What do you call it when a Norm Macdonald movie goes up against Gladiator?
A two-part miniseries retells the story of Christ. Who do you have to be to get three parts?
4. Puppet Smackdown
The Pets.com spokeshand is suing Conan O’Brien’s mongrel over ”intellectual” property. Yeah, hard to believe Stephen Hawking didn’t think of it first.
5. Philbin Phashion
Regis is lending his name to a line of men’s clothing. In related news, Tommy Hilfiger has announced he wants to host a game show.
Everyone’s dead by the end of this film of Shakespeare’s play set in present-day Manhattan. The working title was Danish-American Psycho.
7. The Love Bug
A virus caused millions of computers all over the world to act erratically. Most people thought it was just a Windows upgrade.
8. The 350 Million Dollar Lottery
Or, as we like to call it, NASDAQ.
9. Angelina Jolie
She and Billy Bob Thornton got married in Vegas. Nothing says ”forever” like a chapel on the Strip.
The much-hyped website for media insiders about the one thing they’re most interested in: themselves.
11. Battlefield Earth
John Travolta and his alien friends have taken over and are strip-mining the entire planet. Hey, as long as they stop with the anal probes.
12. 27th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards
So…why do they hold them at night?
13. Center Stage
A film about ballet dancers. Like Fame — except even if they’re good, no one will remember their names.
14. Murder, She Wrote
Jessica Fletcher returns for a two-hour special. Unfortunately, that’s an hour past most of her audience’s bedtime.
15. Sarah and Andrew
Royal watchers say the two may marry each other — again. This time she won’t ever say ”Who died and made you Queen?” to her mother-in-law.