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Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

TV’s funniest lines from April 14-20

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”Oh my God, if my closet were like this I never would have come out of it!”
Jack (Sean Hayes), seeing Karen’s walk-in closet, on Will & Grace

”Yesterday Microsoft stock dropped so dramatically that Bill Gates was losing money at the rate of $4.7 million per second. When reached for comment, Gates said, ‘I now know what it’s like to produce a Kevin Costner movie.”’
Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”With the deadline fast approaching, only 53 percent of Americans have returned their census forms, well short of the minimum goal of 61 percent. My question is: How do they know that?”
Colin Quinn on SNL

”If they don’t kill him, I think they’ll hurt him really badly.”
David Duchovny, when asked if he thinks Mulder will be killed off if he doesn’t return to The X-Files next season, on Total Request Live