1 Agnetha Faltskog
The last A in ABBA wants to relaunch her solo career. Gnood Lugk.
2 Mick Jagger
He must pay $10,000 a month to support his Brazilian love child. Darn those disposable Pashmina diapers.
She’s having another baby. If it’s anything less than octuplets, that’s the last I want to hear about it.
4 The Rock
The WWF star will appear in the sequel to The Mummy. The hard part is turning his catchphrase ”the people’s elbow” into hieroglyphs.
5 Stolen Oscars
They were found near a trash bin in L.A. Under some reels of Bicentennial Man and a bunch of Phantom Menace tie-ins.
6 Kelsey Grammer
The Frasier star plans to play Macbeth on Broadway. If anyone can wring the laughs out of it, he can.
7 Jennifer Love Hewitt
She stars in The Audrey Hepburn Story. She’d be over her head in The Valerie Bertinelli Story.
8 ‘N Sync
Spiky-haired Lance has twisted his ankle. He may have to be put down.
9 Keely Smith
Louis Prima’s 68-year-old ex-wife is out with a new album of swing music. It’s called Jump, Jive, an’ Oh My God, My Hip!
10 Waking the Dead
The memory of a radical girlfriend killed by terrorists haunts a man running for Congress. A large popcorn with that?
11 Twinkie Shortage
A teamsters’ strike has left store shelves bare. Aren’t the ones we put in the bomb shelter 30 years ago still fresh?
The video chain wants to start delivering movies and dinner right to your door. Don’t HBO and Domino’s do that already?
13 Britney Spears
She’s writing her autobiography. Unlike Madame Curie and Mother Theresa, she finds the time.
14 Kathie Lee Gifford
She may take over the lead in Annie Get Your Gun. Beating out Charlton Heston for the role.
15 Alex Trebek
He thinks the questions on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire are too easy. Like, ”What does Regis do all the way to the bank?”