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Stupid Questions with the Pets.com Sockpuppet

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1 Are you purebred?
I’m very mixed. I’m part Jack Russell, part Labrador, part tube sock, part argyle, and a little bit Lithuanian.

2 Is it true you were snubbed by the Westminster dog show?
Snubbed is a strong word. I did not receive an invitation. I would like for the AKC to recognize the duppet — dog-puppet — as a legitimate breed.

3 You duetted with Kathie Lee…
I wonder if that had anything to do with her leaving.

4 Anything going on there?
Kathie and I are just friends. I have a very serious girlfriend.

5 Related question: Are you fixed?
Let me just answer you in this way: I am all puppet.

6 Suppose the Muppets start talking trash to you.
The Muppets and I are close. They’re hip, I’m hip, they know where it’s at, I know where it’s at. But it would depend on who. If it’s Animal, I just run away. He’s scary.

7 Are you a party animal?
I’m domesticated.

8 So you’d never cruise for female dogs with, say, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and Taco Bell’s Chihuahua?
Well, you know those frogs that sell beer? I was hanging out with the one that goes ”Weis.” We went down to the Super Bowl and had a crazy time.

9 How does one achieve the Sockpuppet look?
Two words of advice: fabric softener.

10 What about this guy who’s always with you, Michael Black? He was funny on Viva Variety and MTV’s The State.
He was my right-hand man. But celebrity changes things. He started taking all the credit, and we had a falling-out. I had to take out a restraining order. He’s no longer allowed within an arm’s length. But he’s a terrific talent. And grossly underpaid.

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