1 Bob Jones U
They’ve lifted their ban on interracial dating by students. But they still don’t allow sparkin’.
2 Mission to Mars
Gary Sinise leads a mission to the Red Planet. Mars? Doesn’t he know women are from Venus?
3 Jerry Seinfeld
The comedian and his wife have bought a house in the Hamptons for an estimated $30 million. They can always add on if they have kids.
4 Satan’s School for Girls
This TV movie is about exactly what you’d suspect: an all-female law school.
5 Dr. Laura
Three hours a day she talks to divorced parents, unwed mothers, unhappy singles. Shouldn’t she be worried about straight behavior?
6 George Lucas
Forbes magazine names him the richest entertainer of the year. And good news, Darva: He’s single!
7 Keiko the whale
After spending years in a Mexican hot tub, the Free Willy star was set loose in the icy North Atlantic. Talk about shrinkage.
8 The Academy Awards
Some 4,000 of the roughly 5,000 Oscar ballots were lost in the mail. Suddenly Adam Sandler’s favored to win Best Actor.
9 The Ninth Gate
Johnny Depp searches for a doorway to hell. Doesn’t everyone know it’s at O’Hare airport?
10 God, the Devil and Bob
The new prime-time cartoon has been yanked by two NBC affiliates. They’re afraid of offending people who worship Bob.
11 Spring Break
That much-needed annual pause. Between binge drinking and hazing.
12 Hell Swarm
A UPN movie about evil alien parasites who try to take over Earth. If it means less television like this, let them.
13 Michael Jackson
He’s planning a theme park in Warsaw, Poland. It’s called ”No Girls Allowed Land.”
14 George Clooney
The former ER star is planning a live telecast of the Cold War thriller Fail Safe. To keep it exciting for the West Coast, they’ll use real nuclear weapons.
It keeps going up and the Dow keeps going down. It’s a race to see which one will hit 6,000 first.