1 The Beach Boys: An American Family
You’re kidding! They sounded so French.
2 Perfect Murder, Perfect Town
A made-for-TV movie about the JonBenet Ramsey murder. It will be shown each night at 6 and 11 for two years.
Hackers invade eBay and Yahoo! They tried to attack AOL, but they kept getting cut off.
The far right has regained control of the government. France immediately called Vienna and surrendered.
5 The Whole Nine Yards
Bruce Willis plays a mobster. His new catchphrase: ”I see dead people…after I shoot them.”
6 Hanging Up
Diane Keaton, Meg Ryan, and Lisa Kudrow play Walter Matthau’s daughters. Can’t you see the resemblance?
The MTV spoof features a cute boy band that plays bad music. And the joke is…
8 Donald Trump
The mogul’s getting out of the presidential race. He found out most foreign dignitaries aren’t 6-foot blond Czech supermodels.
9 Boiler Room
A movie about aggressive telemarketers who will do anything to close a sale. Finally, an expose of those Time Life operators.
10 The Swimsuit Issue
And the sport being illustrated here is what? Implant lifting?
11 Michael Jordan
He’s endorsed Democratic candidate Bill Bradley. That should give Bradley a lock on the very important ”tall vote.”
12 Backstreet Boys
Stan Lee is turning them into comic-book superheroes. He’s adapting a previously unpublished work: Captain Lip-synch!
13 David Blaine
The magician plans to freeze himself in a block of ice. Yeah, but can he do that ”I got your nose” trick?
14 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
The show’s insurance company says the questions are too easy. Okay then, here’s a tough one: Who wants to be an insurance salesman?
The Icelandic government has awarded the quirky singer her own island. She was pleasantly surprised but said that a last name would have sufficed.