We gave it a D
As a novelty act in ”Diamonds,” an eyeball roller about a grandfather, father, and son who cement their family bond (and affirm their virility) by visiting a Nevada whorehouse. Octogenarian Kirk Douglas, his speech slurred by a stroke, plays an octogenarian with speech slurred by a stroke. Douglas is Harry Agensky, a former boxer lonely since the death of his wife but determined to live independently. And to underwrite that independence, Harry enlists the pricklier of his two sons (Dan Aykroyd) and his teen grandson (Corbin Allred) to squire him to Reno, where he claims to have hidden some ”magic diamonds.”
Douglas is strong, handsome, the main event. But this condescending story wastes him by giggling at male desire in the guise of encouraging it and ridicules age by making Harry declaim nonsense like ”I’m just old. It’s not a crime.” At one point he bellows in a restaurant, ”I want to get laid!” I’d rather see that than one more second of Aykroyd getting his hairy pecs erotically massaged.