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The funniest TV lines from the week of Jan. 14, 2000

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”Linda Tripp spent $30,000 on plastic surgery. I’ve seen pictures, and honest to God, she looks like a new man.” DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show

”Yesterday Jennifer Lopez was arrested and spent 14 hours in a Manhattan jail. Apparently the other prisoners were upset because Lopez was the only one with something comfortable to sit on.” CONAN O’BRIEN on Late Night

”We still do.” MARY TYLER MOORE, after Larry King asked if she and Dick Van Dyke slept in separate beds on The Dick Van Dyke Show, on Larry King Live

”Uh, I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.” BILL CLINTON, in response to Charlie Rose, who asked if he’d like to be cloned, on 60 Minutes II

”I’ve given up TV. It makes up for not reading.” SHRUG (EVAN HANDLER) on the just canceled It’s like, you know…