What the country is talking about this week…
1 MONICA LEWINSKY She’s the new spokesperson for Jenny Craig. Because being immature and self-centered works better if you’re thin.
2 PUFF DADDY He and Jennifer Lopez may be splitting up. For some reason, she doesn’t consider dinner and a shooting a date.
3 MR. BLACKWELL Author of the annual Worst Dressed List. Where does he find the time?
4 SEAN CONNERY The original 007 has been knighted. It’s the British version of the AARP.
5 AIRPORT SECURITY They now have a scanning machine that can see right through your clothes. But no one wants to work the flights to Florida.
6 PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARDS Dammit, I say, let animals vote, too!
7 SCARY SPICE Her marriage may not last even two years. If she has any class at all, she’ll send my bread maker back.
8 BRITNEY SPEARS The chesty teen says she’s turned down oodles of movie scripts because she’s too busy. So she passes them along to Meryl Streep.
9 MUHAMMAD ALI: KING OF THE WORLD Either a bio of the boxer or he’s got a fight lined up with Leonardo DiCaprio.
10 TWENTY ONE The latest prime-time big-money game show. If this keeps up, how long before the nightly news becomes Win Dan Rather’s Money?
11 SNOW FALLING ON CEDARS Trust me, if you want any men to see this movie, change the title to Chopping Down Cedars With Chain Saws.
12 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE A live-action show about a Simpsons-like family on the Simpsons’ network that airs right after The Simpsons. Not like that formula crap you see on the other networks.
13 GEORGE HARRISON Someone attacked him in his supposedly secure 120-room estate. Maybe he should take down the ”You Are Here” signs.
14 WARREN BEATTY The actor says he’s decided not to run for President this year. Something more important came up.
15 CAMERON DIAZ Her bag with $7,000 cash in it was stolen at the airport. It was for cab fare from JFK to midtown.