Y and Wherefore If you’re paranoid like us, your computers are Y2K compliant and you’re fully stocked up on canned goods. Now it’s time to turn to a more important millennial issue: Where are all the Y2K movies? Aside from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s satanic fantasy End of Days (out Nov. 24), and NBC’s TV movie Y2K, a computer-crash disaster flick airing Nov. 21, there’s a surprising lack of fin de millennium tales on the way. Shouldn’t this be right up Hollywood’s alley? ”I was flabbergasted that nobody had taken the title,” says Y2K executive producer David Israel. Well, actually, somebody had. A year ago, Chris O’Donnell was developing a big-screen computer-virus thriller with the same name, but he couldn’t get the film made in time. It still may eventually see the light of day, but with a different name and slant. ”It will probably be more about cyberterrorism,” says producer Bing Howenstein. Likewise, Will Smith’s apocalyptic thriller The Mark — currently stuck in development — was originally reported to be set in the last week of 1999 but now turns out to be postmillennial. ”I think studios probably looked at Y2K movies as having a short shelf life,” theorizes Israel. ”What’s the audience for it after January 1?” — Rob Brunner
Rising Dough In Hollywood, it’s not just the egos that are overinflated. Take the new movie The Bachelor, in which Chris O’Donnell must find a bride in 24 hours to collect a $100 million inheritance. The flick is based on the 1925 comedy Seven Chances, except in that film, Buster Keaton stood to score a mere $7 million. Inflation? Sure, as far as it goes. Problem is, Keaton’s $7 million would actually be worth only $66 million today. The other $34 mil is pure Tinseltown puffery. Here, some other fiscally unsound updates. — Reed Tucker
— The Thomas Crown Affair The 1968 original: Steve McQueen robs a bank of $2.6 million. The 1999 remake should amount to $12.6 million. Instead, Pierce Brosnan grabs a Monet worth $100 million.
— Psycho The 1960 original: Janet Leigh snatches $40,000 from her employer. The 1998 remake should amount to $219,000. Instead, Anne Heche makes off with $400,000.
— House on Haunted Hill The 1958 original: Vincent Price offers five people $10,000 each to spend the night in a spooky mansion. The 1999 remake should offer $57,460. Instead, Geoffrey Rush promises them $1 million apiece.
—The Day of the Jackal The 1973 original: Edward Fox is hired to kill the president of France for $500,000. The 1997 remake (The Jackal) should amount to $1.87 million. Instead, Bruce Willis is hired to snuff the head of the FBI for $70 million.
And that’s not to mention the ’50s quiz show The $64,000 Question, which CBS plans to remake later this year. The new economically correct title: The $385,151 Question.
”I think they wanted a little ‘Regis in there,’ but not too much Regis.” — Who Wants to Be a Millionaire host REGIS PHILBIN on toning down his exuberant, not-ready-for-prime-time personality