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10-Step Program

How to tell when you’re an e-shopping addict

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10 You’ve developed a parental attachment to your virtual shopping carts Babette, Nico, and Little Timmy.

9 Your ”Proceed to Check Out” finger bleeds.

8 The phrase ”If you liked Parenthood, you’ll love Boyz N the Hood” makes sense.

7 You have a closet of brand-new clothes you never wear—because you never go outside anymore.

6 You introduce yourself by your barnesandnoble.com code name, bookgurl5678. 5 You break up with your significant other to focus on your career. Now what was it you used to do? 4 You log on to Amazon.com and hear, ”He’s baaack.”

3 You really need a new thermos, that Nolan Ryan Commemorative Knife Collection, and a fedora. No, seriously, really.

2 Paper money…so quaint.

1 When a friend suggests a trip to the mall, you call him ”a small-minded proletarian who cannot possibly grasp the cyber-revolution at hand.” Then you ask him to buy you some deodorant.