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Soundbites

The funniest TV lines from the week of Sept. 10, 1999

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”I feel like I’m sitting on a toilet and all of America is watching me.” CONTESTANT PAUL LOCHARERNKUL, after Regis Philbin asked him whether he was nervous, on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire

”I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I asked that question.” REGIS PHILBIN, in response, on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire

”Steve Forbes said he opposes gays and lesbians adopting children, even though his father was a closeted homosexual. It’s all part of his plan to go from being seen as an unknown, eccentric outsider to being seen as an ungrateful, homophobic bastard.” CRAIG KILBORN on The Late Late Show

”On the totem pole of Hollywood, screenwriters are below ground.” The Muse‘s ALBERT BROOKS, on The Tonight Show

”Bob Dole admitted he used cocaine when he was in college, but then Coca-Cola changed its formula.” BILL MAHER on Politically Incorrect