I’m getting married. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be able to tell you off the top of my head how much it costs to hire a harpist, why a photographer who gives you the proofs for free is charging too much, and exactly what a bustle is. And while there are plenty of things a groom-to-be learns when planning the wedding, none is as important as this — and fellas, I’m saying this only because I care: Do exactly what your fiancée says.
When my nigh bride, Sue (let’s call her Sue because if I didn’t, and called her, say, Janet, she’d probably think that there was another woman named Janet who meant enough to me to mention instead of her), forbade me to see Forces of Nature in the theater, I acquiesced, not quite realizing what the hoo-ha was all about.
Now, six months later, after we’ve decided on the Chicken Wellington with the gravy on the side and limited the guest list to 180 of our closest gainfully employed relatives and friends, do I understand her position. There are just some movies that your significant other won’t want you to see because they reveal potential land mines on the road to marital bliss.
”Forces of Nature” is one such film, as it reveals the single most important pre-wedding rule: Don’t let him travel alone, ever, or he’ll invariably find someone as irritatingly charming as Sandra Bullock to get waylaid with. In ”Forces,” Ben Affleck plays a docile groom en route to his betrothed (Maura Tierney), who’s busy planning their nuptials halfway across the country.
When the flight goes awry, and Ben and Sandra must travel from New York to Savannah together, ”Forces” triggers every bride’s nascent fear that her man will find someone else irresistible — and that she won’t be close enough to fight for the right to marry.