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Sound bites

The funniest TV lines from the week of February 15, 1999

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”The father of the multiplex movie theater died this week…. His funeral will be held on Saturday at 12:20, 2:40, 6:30, and 10:15.” — Dennis Miller on Dennis Miller Live

”Judging from how many people got naked during my set, I think I went over quite well.” — Elvis Costello, discussing Woodstock 99, on Live With Regis & Kathie Lee

Friends follows the adventures of six attractive New Yorkers who drink coffee, dream life’s dreams, and expertly avoid the city’s minority population.” — Jon Stewart on The Daily Show

”The U.S. Women’s World Cup soccer team presented President Clinton with a game jersey, and he was so excited because it was the first time in a long time that a woman has given him a piece of clothing that wasn’t considered evidence.” — David Letterman on Late Show