Entertainment Weekly


Stay Connected


Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content


Sound Bites: The week's best TV Quotes

TV’s funniest lines from May 29 to June 3

Posted on

”The Makah killed a juvenile gray whale, described as juvenile because of the creature’s own snickering references to his blowhole.”
Jon Stewart, detailing a Native American ceremonial sea hunt, on The Daily Show

”Just think about what our romance has survived, huh? Husbands…wives…psychopaths.”
Peter (Jack Wagner), offering some tender reassurance to Amanda (Heather Locklear), on the final episode of Melrose Place

”NATO air strikes reportedly hit a hospital in Belgrade this week. A NATO spokesman explained the error by saying the hospital looked exactly like the Chinese embassy.”
Dennis Miller on Dennis Miller Live

”Several hardcore Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized it’s 22 years later and they still haven’t lost their virginity.”
Conan O’Brien on Late Night