1 The Phantom Menace
Some fans won’t be seeing it this weekend. They might lose their place in line for Episode II.
2 Mariah Carey
A Manhattan co-op board refused to let her buy an apartment. She’s got to stop using Puff Daddy as a reference.
3 Ally McBeal
David E. Kelley thinks he can do another half hour a week from film on the cutting-room floor. Memo: Don’t eat dinner the night he cooks.
4 Camryn Manheim
The woman is everywhere flogging her book, Wake Up, I’m Fat. Or as it was originally called, Monica’s Story.
5 The Olsen Twins
Their show’s been given the hook, but they’ve already got their next project lined up — Hummel Figurines, the Movie.
6 Notting Hill
Julia Roberts can’t have a love life because the press follows her everywhere. That didn’t stop Bill Clinton.
7 Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman
She’s back for a TV movie. In which she battles a frontier HMO that won’t pay for experimental saddle-sore therapy.
8 Robot dog
Sony’s virtual pet. The hard part is housebreaking it before it leaves batteries all over the place.
9 The Grand Canyon
The post office printed up stamps that say the natural wonder’s in Colorado. But they always seem to be sold out of them at the DMV.
10 Mad About You
It’s ending its run. Because after seven years of marriage women really need a maid about you.
11 Melrose Place
The most consistent show on TV. Not one episode had nuanced characters or good acting.
12 Mick Jagger
The Rolling Stone wants his wife to go to a marriage counselor with him. She wants him to stop dating first.
13 The Jesse Ventura Story
The saga of the man who classed up politics by raising it to the standards of wrestling.
14 Ricky Martin mania
A frenzy of screaming, yelling, and fainting. And that’s just the people who don’t have tickets.
The Queen of the Nile dumps Julius Caesar for Marc Antony. She forgot to read The 10 Stupid Things Egyptian Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives.