1 Amy Fisher
She’s out on parole. But asking the same old question, ”Why are all the big, stupid ones married?”
2 The Nanny
The final episode will air this week. She’s moving on to her new career — voice coach to a chain saw.
3 Joan of Arc
The teen led the French army to victory and was then burned at the stake. Seems she asked for the same salary as a male general.
4 Atomic Train
In this sweeps ploy, a shipment of nuclear waste blows up. Many Nielsen families are feared dead.
5 Jenny Jones
A jury found the talk show negligent in the death of a guest. Inspiring her ”What Spouses Do When You’re Sequestered” show.
6 Diana Ross
She’s an aging pop diva in Double Platinum. In a tribute to De Niro, she lost 80 IQ points to play the part.
7 Garth Brooks
The country superstar is trying to cross over to rock with a new ”concept” album. The concept being, Let’s make a lot of money.
8 The Mummy
Success hasn’t changed him. He still puts his wrappings on one leg at a time.
They canceled a shopping-mall performance after a near miss with a water balloon. But no damage was done — it missed their hair.
10 Liam Neeson
He wanted to quit the lame, shallow, superficial movie business to do theater. Then he saw Cats.
11 Hugh Downs
The broadcast vet is leaving 20/20 to do something more up his alley. Like a show called 75/80.
The two Hollywood moguls are having a ”Did so-did not” slap-fest in court. It’s professional wrestling for the rich.
13 $60.5 million
How much a Cezanne still life sold for. It probably went to an 18-year-old who bought eBay at $6.
14 Phantom Menace
Some critics reviewed the movie weeks before they should have. As punishment, they have to watch it again.
15 Liz Taylor
The actress wants to work again after a long absence. She’s going to star in I Know What You Did…in the Johnson Administration.